Ghost On The Brink
by Morbid DramaQueen10
Summary: I'm on the outside, looking in to watch you as your life moves by at a hundred miles a minute. It shall take a thousand years for me to forget your cries, because I'm echoing them here on the other side. Rose's POV, Pete's World post Doomsday.


**Drabble that was stuck in my head. I'm rather fond of it. **

**You can interpret this as Rose having dreams, or looking out through the canon or whatever. I just wondered what her POV of season 3-4 would've been.**

**DOCTOR WHO IS NOT MINE**

**Please review, I love to hear all feedback. **

_Can you see me? _

I'm there, just out of the corner of your eye, walking away as you start up the engines to take your new companion away.

I'm here when you fiddle with the controls, tug on levers and wind up gears. You appear to be concentrating, exceptionally focused on the task at hand. But I know you better. From the way your hands quivers, how you scratch you neck awkwardly, anyone can see you're nervous.

When you turn to speak, bouncing on your heels, you realize you're alone because Martha has gone to bed. Perhaps you saw me in your mind's eye, leaning against the railing and laughing. But that was just a memory.

_Can you see me? _

When the tall black girl with a high forehead stares at you dreamily, I'm the only one who can see you avoid her eyes. For once, you're not encouraging the affection. I can see that you're scare; scared that this will turn into another heartbreaking failure, but also scared to be alone. She wouldn't be your first choice. But then again, neither was I.

You take her to exotic places, laugh and run and run. If I knew you were happy doing this I wouldn't mind the way you hold her hand, or how she leans in just a little too close. Yet you're not happy and it's tearing me apart.

I watch you as you take away your Gallifreyan biology and your memory and every possible thing that makes you the Doctor. I see you adapt to your impromptu humanity with your typical grace. Even though it frightens me for the first five seconds, I laugh when you fall down those stairs. Then I cry when you kiss the nurse.

_I'm here, can you see me? _

Martha is apologizing for moving out, telling you the story of her best mate who wasted all that time on a bloke. At first you can't get the metaphor. Then it hits you like a ton of Crykan bricks (which happen to weigh eight times as much as Earth bricks).

You were always a little slow on the uptake when it came to things like this. Could reprogram an international computer system in twenty seconds, could build a delta wave in under an hour, but when it came to emotions you were never the brightest.

My heart aches to see you alone once more. When you're with somebody, anybody, things never seem as dark and bad. But the quiet sends you into your own thoughts and lets you drown in your miseries. I know because it's happening to me right now. Even though I'm here, _right here, _standing next to you I've never felt so alone. Because, we're not actually here together. There is plenty of silence for the both of us to drown in separately.

I'd much rather do it together.

_Doctor, Doctor! I'm right here, behind you!_

On that great ship, stranded in the middle of space, I see you struggle to save people lives when you know there's no hope. But you try anyways. You're a Time Lord, the last Time Lord and that's reason enough.

You're calling out Astrid's name. I cry for you; right now you've got no time to do it yourself. For a moment we're reminded of everyone else who has died because of us—though today I'd say it's debatable. Three people were saved. If I was there you'd tell me I was wrong, that you could've done more.

You crash-land in London (not for the first time) and you smile like a kid when your "_Allons-y" _wish is granted. I love how you are forever finding something gloriously good in all the bad so as to make yourself smile. Nobody could do the things you do without that ability, else they'd go mad.

Now you're back on the TARDIS, pulling yourself together, picking up the pieces to live another day. Oh, if I could be there….

_Can you see me?_

When you hold your daughter in your arms, weeping I'm the only one who knows you're crying for more than Jenny. I am the only person who knows there have been other children who have passed too soon. I am so sorry. So very sorry.

I know it's probably coincidence, but she looks a little like me. And that's disturbing to me, because you said we could never even try.

_Can you see me?_

In the dark depths of the library I stand, staring at you while Donna talks to a girl who is already dead, offering comfort. I like Donna a lot more; she's just as clever as Martha, but much more sensible. Less of a dreamer. Humble and good for you.

You're scared, but not for yourself. It's fear for the people around you—River and Donna and the others. I want to grab you up and tell you it is okay. But there is a wall of time separating us.

I'm there when you discover Donna's face on an information platform. When River dies. And then later, when you're alone in your room on the TARDIS shaking, heaving great sobs. You don't deserve this. I settle next to you, still separate but yet not apart. This is as much as I can ever give.

_Can you see me? _

Because I can't see you. Everything has gone to darkness because this is a nightmare, and that's how nightmare work. Whoever the dream god is, he must know my fears well because the only thing that can scare me these days is the thought of not seeing you. The only thing that can motivate me anymore is the mere thought that someday, I'll get it right and be able to jump back into our world. Perhaps things won't be the same. Perhaps we'll be awkward and quiet and still. But just to see you in the flesh will be enough, I know.

I used to wonder if you ever thought of me, then I began to watch you dream. And darling, I can see we have the same fears, the same thoughts. It shall take a thousand years for me to forget your cries, because I'm echoing them here, on the other side.

_I'm right here. Can you see me, Doctor?_

You can't see me, but I can see you. For once we're not a universe apart. I should be with you, but I'm limited as always by stupid human technology. I would be with you now, if not for humanities' greed and Dalek's greed and every body's greed! But I'm being greedy myself. So I'll stop and wait, wait for you like I always have. I swear, I'll wait longer than five-and-a-half hours. You've got to come back here some time.

Sitting here, in front of this computer screen, I can see every line of your face. I ought to be connected to this, I ought to be helping! I was here before the rest of them, except maybe Sarah Jane. Poor, poor Sarah Jane. She was the one left behind. But I was the one torn apart.


End file.
